Best Cleveland Browns Tweets

In a shocking move (well kind-of but not really) the Cleveland Browns traded away their best player, 3rd round pick Trent Richardson, to the Colts, signaling they are already giving up on this season after an 0-2. Fans took to Twitter to vent their frustrations with the #factoryofsadness and below are my favorite funny Tweets about the Browns.

• @ESPN_Colin: The Browns offense, and this was inconceivable a day ago, just got less interesting.
• @_Happy_Gilmore: Cleveland Browns fall for the old "Trade us your best player and we'll give you the winning Powerball numbers" trick.
• @Kris10Guy: Being a Browns fan is like sticking your hand in a blender & hoping for the best when you already know the outcome
• @ShooterMcGavin: BREAKING: The remainder of Cleveland Browns games will be aired on Comedy Central
• @SportsNation: "HEY! We're still better than the Jaguars, you guys" - Browns management
• @TheFakeESPN: Willis McGahee hears Browns interested, calls Saul Goodman from Breaking Bad to see if he knows a guy that can help him disappear.
• @dmansworld474: Your move, Jacksonville. #browns #jags
• @HubbuchNYP: Great news, Browns fans! You’re going to have a lot of high picks in a deep draft. Horrible news, Browns fans! Mike Lombardi is picking.
• @TBone971: Guys who are still Browns: Oneil Cousins, Buster Skrine, Greg Little. Guys who aren't #Browns : Trent Richardson.
• @TheFakeESPN: Browns trade Trent Richardson to Colts, marking the biggest release from captivity in Cleveland since Amanda Berry.
• ‏@FunSkipBayless BREAKING: Trent Richardson just broke his own 40yrd dash record and all of Usain Bolt's world records, when he ran out of Browns facilities.
• @datageneral: The @Browns had to trade Trent Richardson because he didn't fit into their system of being terrible at football.
  @HJonesin: The browns just traded Joe Haden for a plate of nachos and a 2007 #witness tee shirt
  

  @Cole4X_mas21 Cleveland browns even clearing cap room to get Lebron in 2014!

  Download a 2013 NFL Helmet schedule spreadsheet

Flight

As my wife told me, I am a nerd because I do things like keep a spreadsheet log of every time I’ve flown in an airplane, which has been 32 individual flights in my lifetime (Six this past year). Some stats that may interest only me:

• Work related flights: 16 (out of 32) or 50% (with vacation being the other 16).
• Number of direct flights: 8
• Number of different airports: 15
• Most visited airport: Atlanta (followed by Detroit and Orlando)
• Most flights was in 2011 when I flew 14 times. 
• Year of first flight: 2006

Where will I fly to next? I have no idea at this point but hopefully somewhere sunny and warm!

2012 NCAA Tournament Bracket Download

Click here to learn how to dominate your March Madness bracket pool!

March Madness has finally arrived which means it's time to fill out your tournament bracket!
Visit my Excel Spreadsheets Help blog to learn how to complete your NCAA tournament bracket Excel file. Below I've provided the download links for the Excel bracket and office pool manager. Or you can print the bracket above and fill it out by hand.

2012 NCAA Tournament Bracket spreadsheet.xls download
2012 NCAA Tournament Bracket Pool Manager spreadsheet.xls download

Comment below if you wish to join my pool!

I'm published - again!

I've recently published my second book and my first fictional story, entitled Nike's Chinese New Year.

Are you looking for information about the Chinese New Year festival? Do you want to know more about Chinese culture and traditions? Well, there is a new book out that might be exactly what you’re looking for! This is a special treat for those with a curiosity in China who enjoy erupting in laughter. Some educational topics about China woven into the story include: traffic in China, communism vs. capitalism, food and cuisine, customs, holiday celebrations, fireworks, prostitution, tigers, and more. Learn about exotic locations such as Suzhou, Harbin, and Beijing. Other themes found in the book are coming of age, how to make a life altering decision, relationships, and much more! 

Here are a few excerpts from Nike's Chinese New Year:

               While most citizens of the United States were exchanging flowers, candy, and cards for Valentine’s Day, the Chinese were busy celebrating their most important traditional holiday. The Spring Festival began on the first day of the first lunar month and was otherwise known as the Chinese New Year...In fact, I’m told the Chinese New Year is the world’s largest human migration as millions of Chinese workers travel home to their families. Eric even claimed that trains are so overcrowded people wear diapers for their multi-hour long journeys home. 

Traffic in China, the way I see it, is a free-for-all. There appear to be no road rules at all, and if you survive the day, you’ll do it all again the next day. The stoplights that they do have must only be for decoration. Taxi drivers drive in the middle of two lanes so they can swing into either one of them as needed. They don’t have roundabouts in China. Roundabouts only function if people follow the rules, hence they don't work here. A roundabout would only add to the chaos. According to my made-up insurance statistics, the most dangerous cars are green and driven by the Chinese.

            Every time I climb into a taxi in China the very first thing I do is fasten my seat belt, pull it as tight as I possibly can, and grab onto anything that feels or looks sturdy. Well, to my wonderful surprise, this particular cab didn’t have a working seat belt. I about had a mild heart attack. I was left with clutching onto the seat in front of me until my knuckles turned white, not daring to open my eyes until we were safely discarded at our destination. 

 

         I managed to swallow the first bite with difficulty.  As I felt it burning its way down my throat, my heart began to do flip flops in my ribcage.  The food hit my stomach like a glob of lava in a lava lamp. Eric watched me worriedly, perhaps concerned I might keel over from the trauma.  When I enthusiastically dug into a second bite, his mouth fell open in amazement.  “I am impressed,” he said.  “That is by far the most dog penis I have ever seen an American succeed in consuming.  Are you well?” 

I'm looking for someone to review my book on Amazon and to give me some feedback. I can possibly send you a free copy if you're interested.


Buy the paperback at the CreateSpace eStore here. 

Buy the ebook Kindle version here.

2011 Year in Review

So here's my obligatory blog post looking back at the year that was. A few of the highlights from the past year that come to mind first are:

• ASTM F24 committee meeting in New Orleans
• Winning Cedar Point's K'nex Build Off Competition
• Spending four weeks in Utah for work
• Visiting Dollywood for the first time (and staying in the amazing Dollywood Vacations Cabins)
• Quitting by job as CAD engineer I held for 2+ years and moving to a new city and starting a new job as an automotive supplier engineer
• Staying onsite at Universal Orlando for a few days in July
• Celebrating our one year wed-iversary by doing the Wildside Tour at The Wilds
• Publishing my first book (e-book that is, paperback coming soon).
  

Here's a list of some of the Cyclone Edition's Most Popular Posts from 2011:

• Vintage Lego Airport Shuttle Monorail #6399

• CATIA > PRO-ENGINEER

• More OSU Tweets

• Best "Osama is Dead!" Tweets

• Excel "Contains" Formula

• 2011 College Football Bowl Spreadsheet

• Best LeBron Tweets

Best Tweets: Kim Jon II is Dead

Warning: Twitter is about to blow up with the news of longtime North Korean leader Kim Jong Il's death, according to South Korea's Yonhap news agency. I'm not saying or not saying that anyone should celebrate another human's death, but here are some of the best tweets I've read thus far (and there are a few facts mixed in with the jokes so you might actually learn somethinh [how many Americans were like "whose Jim Long Jo?"]):

• Can someone go tell the people on Facebook Kim Jong-Il died?
• Dang. There are going to be so many zombie Kim Jong Il costumes next Halloween.
• RT @IronyNOW: So, if I'm following Twitter correctly, Daniel Bryan defeated Kim Jong Il to become World Heavyweight Champion?
• Kim Jong is dead. I knew he was Il.
• The power of Tebow. RT @bruce_arthur: Bad year for monsters: Osama, Gaddafi, Kim Jong-Il. So, not a bad year.
• R.I.P. to the greatest golfer the world has ever known, Kim Jong-IL, who, in his first time playing golf, had 11 holes-in-one.
• Kim Jong-il is dead. I'd make jokes, if not for the fact that he had an insane, evil son who's gonna be in charge now.
• Asian markets reacting negatively to news that Kim Jong Il died. Long-term opportunity but near-term instability.
• With all due respect to Team America, today wd be a good time to remember: Kim Jong Il was not a joke to the people of N Korea
• Breaking News: It has been confirmed that Kim Jong-il's last words were MATT DAMON
• I'll immediately forget where I was when I found out Kim Jong-Il died
• I can't wait to see South Park's new episode of where Saddam, bin Laden, and Satan welcome Kim Jong-il. You know it's going to happen.
• So I guess Kim Jong-Il was just holding out to see one more Colts win.
• 2011 is a bad year to be a dictator. Another one bites the dust as North Korean leader Kim Jong-il is pronounced dead.
• Kim Jong Il dies. People in the streets of North Korea heard yelling "We want Gruden! We want Gruden!"
• I'd like to point out that if we're now hearing that Kim Jong-Il is dead, it means he's probably been dead for close to a year.
• Rick Perry & Michele Bachmann SCRAMBLING to find out who Kim Jong Il was.
• Kim Jong Il got so mad about the Packers losing to the Chiefs that he died.
• Kim Jong Il's last words: "I never would have vetoed that Chris Paul trade"
• North Korean state TV now reporting that Kim Jong Il actually invented the heart attack
• Kim Jong-il travelled by train because he was terrified of flying. He died on Dec. 17 while riding a train.
• The UN needs to remember to throw all of Kim Jong Il's jewelry into a volcano.

And here's mine: How long before a Kim Jong II in Hell Twitter account is opened? Follow me on Twitter for more updates. Add your best Kim Jong II tweets and jokes below!

Best Bin Laden is Dead Tweets

Blue Jackets Tickets

Anyone interested in Columbus Blue Jackets Tickets?

December 17th vs. the Tampa Bay Lightning at 7pm
and
December 27th vs. the Calgary Flames at 7 pm

**Tickets are 30$ or 65$ for lower sections and include:
-Hot dog
-Popcorn
-Drink
-Blue Jackets hat

Let me know if you would be interested in a ticket!

Best "Osama is Dead!" Tweets

I'm watching the news live that Osama Bin Ladin has been reported dead. Twitter and Facebook are blowing up. Here are the best Tweets and status updates I've read, as I read them (updated in real time). Oh, by the way, there is already a @OsamaInHell Twitter account.

• I bet Osama Bin Laden really regrets signing up for Sony PlayStation network now.
• Mel Kiper has taken Osama Bin Laden off his big board due to off-the-field concerns.
• Osama Bin Laden is probably regretting that last four square check-in!!
• I always thought osama bin laden was three different people....
• Got Bin Laden AND interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win for Obama all around.
• White House can confirm Joe Biden was injured in an "extreme high fiving accident."
• Obama just realized he can't address the nation in his jammies.
• There must be a lot of buzz in Hell about the new guy, tonight.
• my feed is updating so fast over Bin Laden's death. Even Twilight premiere tweets don't make my feed go this fast.
• I think we've just discovered the stoyrline for the next Call of Duty video game.
• Osama dethroned as the world hide-and-seek champion (2001-2011).
• I guess he shouldn't have came out of hiding to watch the royal wedding.
• Breaking News: Osama location found from Craiglist ad: "my name is osama and i am looking for abbottabad girl if any one interested the contact me."
• Osama's ass was hidin in the damn Burbs! #figures. out back having a bbq and caught one between the eyes, #thebreaks
• Even @Jesus is tweeting tonight: Sorry, you're at the wrong gate, Osama.
• Way to go @cnn! On the "UBL is Dead" page, you have an ad for airfares with a plane on it. #FAIL
• Man, @50cent been shot 9 times and he ain't dead, Osama should be ashamed of himself.
• They'll still grope us at the airport. Thanks, Osama. Dead or alive, we're stuck with this.
• Osama Bin Laden is dead. It's about time! That guy is the reason why I can't bring freaking nail clippers on an airplane with me.
  
• #Osama's funeral will be shot with his personal visually stunning analog video recording device #VHS
• Obama gave the order to kill bin Laden during the royal wedding & then cracked jokes at the WHCD. Straight out the Godfather!
• What's that sound? Oh it's Hitler shuffling to get his spare bedroom ready.
  
• Really, truly moved listening to the crowd outside the White House singing the national anthem. (Now they're singing na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey, hey, goodbye).
  

And the award for the WTF comment goes to: "Think i'ma get a Bin Laden tat ... maybe his face on a dollar bill. Yea that would be ill"

Follow me @NTWProductions for more!